Tuesday, July 3, 2012

farewell dear Damian

I never felt this awful loss my entire life. Maybe because I was the one who brought him home. I badly miss our pet Doberman, Damian.

I unintentionally didn’t have him in the first place. I was about to go back to my hometown from a job resignation. I always planned of buying a new pet dog for our home but I was disappointed with the last pay I received. My colleague, Alfred who courted me that time offered to go with me to buy the dog after I refused for a date since he’s also a dog lover. After seeing and almost buying the cute Japanese spitz from a neighbor, I called my younger brother back home for a confirmation but he wanted a police dog.  Alfred then brought me to a place with lots of different pets for export. We then saw prepared puppies of different breeds reserved for Koreans. Damian then was the smallest and the youngest. The owner forced us to buy it since it was the only Doberman and the papers and vaccinations are all done. It cost twice my budget so I refused and thought of buying that Japanese spitz instead. Alfred insisted to buy it for me and I finally got Damian. I was so excited telling my brother about it. Alfred helped me with the permits and all so I can bring Damian home asap. He even bought the leash and food for Damian. He has the kindest heart I’ve known. Though i have dumped him, he told me he just wanted to see me happy on our last meeting.

Anyway, when I got home, my dad was furious about it. He wanted to spare Damian. I still remember those harsh words against canines, his worries and stubborn thoughts that a Doberman will eventually get wild. I somehow understood him but I was also disappointed. I informed Alfred about it and he offered to take care of Damian. But my brother insisted to keep Damian. He then took care of him. Since he is really dark, we named him after the movie Damien omen. But of course he was never that evil after all.

Damian has always been a happy dog. I have slept with him on a couch and he was really so sweet. He was naughty and fun and I loved taking care of him when he was still a pup. We brushed his teeth, cut his nails, cleaned his ears and bathed him regularly.  He was a healthy pretty little boy. I dreamt of making screened house for him after seeing those wicked flying vamps biting him. He was so petite and restless. Everyone fall for him even my dad. They made different houses for him since he grew up fast. When I got a new job and left home again, I always missed him and longed to be with him again. I did always searched facts about canines of how to take care a Doberman the better way. He was like my baby. I just didn’t notice how he grew up.

This morning, I found out in my cellphone calendar that I planned of having a birthday party for him last year. Last Christmas, I planned of finally making a screened house for him. Buying all those stuff I’ve been eyeing for him and searching for a bitch for him. I have always been planning after all, overlooking his age, his presence. 

How can I miss all those simple things I should’ve done?

Lately, I promised my brother (who took care of him longer) that I’d bring him to a vet if I got the time. Yesterday was a holiday, a supposed best day to bring him to a vet. But I failed. Again. For him. I blame myself for this. I should’ve done something. Sigh… I still can’t afford to think that we lost him. Too late now. I won’t be having a pet dog again. Never. The pain is  different. I seem to see him everywhere I go. Never felt my heart literally crumpled. 

Tomorrow’s my brother’s birthday. Mine is on the 17th. On the 19th is his 6th year. But today, we lost him. Rest now for good dearest Damian, you are our family’s angel.

"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

Sunday, January 1, 2012

My 2012's gonna be great!

So I started the year on the second day. This New Year’s Eve was different. We suddenly decided to have a fine dining (instead of the typical buffet type) at home since there were only 9 of us left (from 19 on Christmas celebration). We took pictures of all of us unmarried w/ parents except my Kristof who was tired from helping me set the table and did really have a good sleep. I spent the rest of the day cuddling with my boy, cleaning the mess, eating and sleeping. Still, the weather made me weaker and sick and wished for a longer holiday break.
Back to reality, I am now wearing our new office uniform. Green seaweed wool cloth that’s really uncomfortable and we will be using the same set for 5 long years. I now have to face and focus on the coming very important events and travels. I am so anxious about my health, that I might fail the bosses and of course of being away from my boy again. Anyway, I have lots of great things to look forward to like having a driving lesson, enrolling my son to preschool, getting serious on blogging and plucking and crafting, vacation with my son and the homecoming of my sister & her family from Canada. I know this year’s gonna be great. I have learned a lot and won’t be wasting my time and sympathy from people in the history and promise to have a more serious TO-DO list so I won’t be idle and use my precious time well and be more productive. I wish to learn more in photography so I won’t regret of missing important events in the office. I have had enough adventure and won’t be wanting more this year. No more extra activities and would instead stay at home. I finally decided to deactivate my facebook account and I’ll be one of the peaceful 1/3 in the whole world who ain’t hooked on facebook.