my 32nd ;)

Today’s my ever looked-for birthday that I can think of. It might be because the number can’t anymore be seen in the months of the calendar and I ought not to celebrate cuz I’m old enough, or I’ve been so unfathomably engaged  and I craved to feel so special and finally needed a birthday leave for a break and pamper myself. I don’t know, I just felt that way. 

Anyway, my life has been seriously observing any possible side I have bumped off and made me more cautious of almost everything! Some consequences were hurting but most are bunches of realizations of a change for a better me. And I can say that I did 32% better! Kudos self! :)

So my day was like a really vague notion of how it ended. Big BUT I tried to make it special! 

It started waking up with a big wrinkled smile seeing the most beautiful creature beside me and annoying him with tight hugs and kisses so he’ll wake up earlier for school, but failed. So maybe I was just a bit too excited to wake up an hour earlier. I was also excited to try the yesterday’s new yoga poses from like two months of no-yoga sessions, and a little meditation and of course a check for unexpected greetings. It felt really cool getting those not so typical greetings from new found friends from around the globe from not so locally-common networking sites.

So I had to treat my baby with my full time having a birthday leave. Instead of the nanny, I did bathe & feed him and all and enjoyed talking with him on his way to school. I love his new school. I was welcomed with nature and innocent smiles of preschoolers. So I had to wait for my baby for like 3 hours which is too short hearing their screams and laughters from the other room. In the school canteen, (also the nannies’ waiting area) I browsed and read some 90’s Reader’s Digest which I’m still a big fan (trying to cover that awful song played from a yaya’s mobile). I always loved the painting featured in the back cover and topics are remarkably different. I even cried for that story about a young girl who survived for more than a year with a bullet in her head with no worries at all. So it was another twist-of-fate-nature-sent lesson for me.  And I embraced it as a present, a big punch in my brain that I don’t actually have to worry with these little pains in my brain at all. ;)

So I decided to spend my whole day being with my angels, in a mall, strolling as Despicable Me 2’s gone. & they did enjoy! just being with each of them, my baby, ate yang, kaela (whom I forced to be absent from school :/ ) and of course our little pao who rarely goes with us. Despite lots of plans like treating my siblings with a live band, or a family dine out, some circles of friends, my yogamates, 2 sick old colleagues and at the workplace, I lack funds. It still buys time for me. As for these very moments. But the greatest plan I did really wish and still wish to do that would really pamper and treat myself is just to stay in the bedroom and read all I wanna read or START KNITTING! But they're all way too hard!

Anyway, all else that happened beyond didn’t feel good. I felt awful, excessively thinking nonsense things again until harming myself and everyone around so regrets came in, uninvited and insisting, until I fell asleep.

But I woke up with realizations, less self-blames this time and clearer lessons instead :)

I wish for the next year ahead that I’d be less pessimistic, slowly and eventually it’ll all vanish, it’s tough, but I’m positive of that! And I wish that my wish be granted of having a new business or studying preschool education maybe. I don’t know, I suddenly love teaching or maybe I want to be with my baby all the time witnessing those harshness from wicked people to babies.. awful.

Anyway again,  I’m just so grateful I got greetings from my yogi (how did she know?), my old nanny :), some must-forget freaks, some colleagues, my boss, some friends and of course my family, my everdear aunt who came here for business and accidentally had to buy the cake for me and to my new yaya for cleaning the mess, I was reeeeeaaally tired.

Happy 32^nd year wonderful me. Good job, so far, I know you’d be way better ahead. ;)